How many examples of how crazy these people are do we need? Here’s another one.

A couple weeks back we went on a lovely trip to Santa Barbara. The entire family came and hung out while I had to work the entire week. Not ideal but it’s as close as we’ve come to a vacation in a good long while. It was not without its share of hiccups. We blew a tire and had to have some roadside assistance (I was not with Mel when it happened otherwise I would have changed it). Mel also had a rough stretch of 60 minutes where she lost her parking ticket, had no cash to pay for the fine, went to the ATM, lost her cell phone, all the while trying not to make us late for a work party. That really comes as no surprise to those who know my wife. She’s made a sport out of losing/breaking cell phones. Run over by cars, dropped in toilets, smashed by car seats, you name it. She’ll take gold when they add it to the Olympics in 2040. But none of that comes close to the devastation we found upon our return home.

While we were gone we had a nice girl taking care of Sysqo. She was just supposed to feed him and let him out to drop a deuce. All seemed well wen we called to check up on the situation from SB. I had no reason to worry that anything was awry on our drive home, little did I know…

We pull up to our house around 1am and get the kids in bed. Turn on the lights in our kitchen and realize there is some sort of red liquid all over the floor. Upon closer inspection we come to find that the freezer door is open and the entire refrig is thawed out. The red sauce is previously frozen raspberries, now thawed and running all over. Open the refrig door and all the food is spoiled rotten, stinky, chunky nastiness. I look for some towels and wouldn’t you know it, there’s a ball of them on our counter, already stained red with the raspberry sauce. Sweet! Some nice individual saw the leakage, grabbed towels to wipe it up, didn’t finish the job and left the door open and the stained towels on the counter. So cool!

The next day we start cleaning out the fridge, just tossing it all out. Smells so bad, I’m getting sick just thinking of it. There was a full gallon of milk, still sealed that was a solid block of cheese. I wasn’t sure how to dispose of it so I left it on the counter while I pondered. Should I risk opening it and dumping it down the sink or just put the whole thing in the trash. I’ve never had this kind of choice, so like all decisive men do, I left it until I had some sort of moldy milk epiphany later that night.

Not surprisingly I fell asleep before making a choice on the milk disposal. We awake the next morning to find that the gallon had exploded all over the kitchen. I don’t mean sprung a leak, I mean like someone attached C4 to the milk and then through a grenade at it. There was manybe a few ounces left in the gallon. The rest was splattered all over the kitchen. The smell, the thought of cleaning this moldy milk from every counter, floor, cabinet, table…..I was fuming. I think my dog Sysqo knew how I’d take the news, so like any good dog would do he tried to eat it in the middle of the night. Bless his doggy heart. Too bad he couldn’t hold it down, he decided to migrate the mess by puking it all up over the living room floor.

So I have chunky milk all over the kitchen and dog puke of chunky milk in the living room and now an empty refrig with frozen raspberry juice breaking the ice machine. As I write this my entire family has the flu. Our floors have seen more vomit, dog puke, moldy disgusting milk than any floor should see in a lifetime. I think moving is our only option. I need like the special forces of mexican maids to come clean this, no ordinary team will do. I expect them to strike the filth with lethal force. I need the maid nazis.

Next time Sysqo goes to doggy summer camp and we leave the house shut.

I couldn’t believe this video when I saw it. This dude has a ton of facial tumors, looks like he has the photoshop swirl effect on his face permanently. Unbelievable.

This guy lays it down pretty clear. I diverge in the last minute when he groups all religion as needing to be re-evaluated as far as its role in culture. Other than that though I think he’s right on. The growing incursion of Sharia law into Europe is something I’ve talked about before and it is a very very bad thing for the free world.

Those are some tough little guys. While I laughed really hard watching it, I have to believe there may be some negative repercussions down the road from beating your children like this. I dunno…call me old fashioned.